Pre – Hysterectomy ‘ let’s Do This.

I am now only 4 weeks away from my surgery;  this operation went up in the air because of lockdown also because I ended up having urgent surgery on my shoulder. 

It’s actually been a complete nightmare trying to sort this surgery out, as when I rang up, I was told I was then retaken off the list, even though I was assured I wouldn’t be. Anyway, many telephone calls and admissions later, I am back on the urgent list and now have a date. For those who have normal periods every month, I envy you. 

I have had so many gynaecological surgeries over the years, D&C for heavy periods then got sterilized young after having my children as I couldn’t take birth control. My one regret in life is that I wished I hadn’t spent a few years trying to conceive with a new partner. I had a reversal of sterilisation, major abdominal surgery and IVF, all for nothing. I then had to have laparoscopy and dye tests to make sure my tubes weren’t blocked. I also had a D&C, and when I suffered a miscarriage, I had more surgery to remove my fallopian tubes.

I wasted many years with the wrong person. I really messed my insides up and my mental health, and the heartbreak of it all. I wished I had learnt then that it was ok to be by yourself and to love yourself, now I know you don’t have to be with someone for the sake of it. Anyway, I wish him well, and that is in the past.

You cannot see things at the time, and I felt like I had to give this person a baby to stay married and live happily ever after, well now I know I was a complete dick and made a few mistakes putting myself through it all. It was my own fault, and these are the decisions I made, but shit happens, and life goes on. They say everything happens for a reason, but the heartbreak of losing the baby and being and feeling all alone is something I never want to experience again.

I had surgery before lockdown for another ablation, and I woke up in the recovery room. Then they told me they couldn’t get through my cervix ( they went in vaginally) because I  had too much scar tissue, so the operation was stopped, and that was for a second ablation of the womb lining.

An ablation is where they scrape the womb lining to help stop the periods from being so heavy. I have been told twice that it should stop the periods, and it hasn’t. I do not wish to have more children anyway, and I’m too old, and that’s just my opinion,  and not on anyone else having children my age. 

 I have put my body through so much, and I swear my  Fibromyalgia has come on after so much trauma. I strongly believe trapped trauma stays in your body and affects the nervous system.

I have always been in a fight or flight response with my body from an early age;  (not just because of all the surgery’s); after this operation, I will take back my control and start healing the right way and with the right foods.

I have had Mennorrhagia and anaemia for as long as I can remember, fibroids, cysts, every month being stuck in the bathroom or curled up over it, after trying to get from the bedroom to the bathroom without flooding everywhere. 

I have ruined so many carpets, bedding and clothes I have lost count and resigned to using throw away knickers and black pants for two weeks out the month. I have been caught out so many times; having a period tracker is good, but not when your ovaries are possessed like mine.

I wonder why mother nature wants me to carry on with all this and not just zap me into early menopause, which I have prayed for the last five years solid, but I am nowhere near menopause.

I have had hair loss and hot sweats, erratic mood swings, and feeling like the devil spawn every month, and the emotions of crying at nothing are just great. At this stage, chucking holy water at me won’t help or an exorcism.

I’m oversensitive as it is but imagine a load of hormones thrown in and other medical conditions. It’s not a good mix. I have had a direct debit in Tampax for years, and we are talking like £45 a month, and that is without all the washing that comes with it.

I had to invest in medical pads for the bed, and still, it was a nightmare because you can’t sleep because of the cramps and end up spending half the night in the bathroom anyway; I’m lucky to have two toilets.

Now, let’s add to the mix I am on blood thinners for life because of clotting issues and carry a rare clotting gene. When they were handing out genes, I got the  fucked up genetics. I got the lot. This was only tested after having numerous clots on lungs (pulmonary embolisms) and DVT.

I had an appointment with a lovely thrombosis consultant, and she was retiring and took on my case; after many tests, it came back that I carry MTHFR gene mutation; you inherited this from one of your parents. I don’t have the history of one of my parents as they died when I was very young, and I can’t find the records to check because it’s complicated.

Originally I was on warfarin, and it made my hair come out, and I also had hallucinations of bugs in the bed. I told the nurse at the clinic where I had regular blood tests. They said not possible, so I took my arse to the thrombosis clinic and spoke with a consultant who said he has had patients hallucinate, so at that point, I swapped on to a different blood thinner, and it hasn’t happened since thank god. All medical stuff always seems to be ball aches, and something else gets added to the list of what I have to fight, but this time I am doing this for me and half some of the medical issues.

Now I’m also under the pain specialist because of fibromyalgia. I have been advised not to have the surgery. Now I have thought long and hard about what I will do, and I have chosen surgery, not for the fun of it! Trust me! When I know, I am at such high risk for clotting. Still, I cannot carry on being a prisoner in my house every month and living in the bathroom/Bedroom with severe cramps, passing clots, severe migraines where I am throwing up and taking Pain relief on the same level as what I would be given at the hospital. I have gone all over this with my doctor, and I am lucky to have such a good doctor who actually listens to me.

So I am making this decision for a better quality of life to have a life. I know I have a few months ahead of me, which will be hard with recovery, but I am praying it’s all going to be worth it. So I can’t take HRT, but I am sure there is something else that will be suitable for me and not mix with my current medications. My three aims are stronger, fitter, healthier and half my medications in the long run. I am absolutely shitting it, but it is what it is, and I have to get through it to get out the other side.

When women come forward sharing their stories, it helps someone else out there share there’s, we are all in this together…