How To Stop Being A Pushover And Start Saying No
We’ve all been a pushover at some point in our lives, but it becomes a problem when that behavior becomes a habit. I have suddenly come to the age of I can’t do this anymore and letting people walk all over me.
I want to have a happy life, live in peace, and not be surrounded by any drama. Indeed this isn’t too much to ask. All my life, I have walked on eggshells to keep everyone else happy. I have bent over backward’s making sure everyone else is ok but myself.
No one sees me struggling indoors or breaking down; if I don’t take a stand now, then nothing is ever going to change. I am existing, not living. Learning how to be more assertive and take a stand is not easy when I have said yes to people all my life.
I can’t tell you how many times I have cleaned other people’s houses or set them up with social media or listened down the phone to people’s problems when not once has anyone asked me I am ok. When people around you say you can talk to them, and then you do, they bypass the whole conversation; it leaves you not wanting to open up and tell people how you feel.
What a pushover looks like.
We allow people to take advantage of us or walk all over our boundaries. I have always had bits for sale here and there, but you get this one person who thinks it ok to help themselves and not even offer you anything for it, even though they know you are struggling.
Being assertive isn’t bad or selfish. It’s necessary and critical to safeguarding our boundaries.
Starting to say No out loud can be powerful, don’t let anyone keep walking over you. It is not ok for anyone to walk all over you and leave you feeling defeated… stick to your guns.
Walking on eggshells around people.
Over time you can lose your authenticity and sense of self. The fear of making them upset or angry, so you keep quiet because you cannot stand the outbursts. Everyone is entitled to a bad mood but don’t bring the whole house down with it. When you know you are choosing your words carefully or bending over backward to keep things peaceful, this isn’t a way to live.
If you ever have that feeling that you are burned out, and you have nothing left to give, well, I have reached that point in my life. It’s my fault, a lot of it for overcompensating with things and never saying no. My body is tired, and my soul is lost; trying to function every day when you are in pain and hitting another hurdle feels like another part of me is being sucked away.
To those on the outside thinking, she always had it all together; you couldn’t be further from the truth, don’t always judge someone because they look ok and see their social media and look happy; looks can be very deceiving.
They say when you reach your darkest times, you will know who is around you; I find in these times that the people around me have not even noticed how much I am struggling. I went through a purge of removing anyone around me where we weren’t vibing any more.
If someone can’t be bothered to text you to see how you are, but they live on social media 24/7 and always have their phone in their hand, this tells you everything you need to know. I have been forever the one constantly texting first to see how people are, take a step back, stop doing this, and see who contacts you.
Reevaluate your life.
How long do you carry on going through life, making sure everyone else is happy while you’re struggling. When is enough is enough? I know life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but why is it ok for everyone else to be happy and enjoying life while you have burnt yourself out.
It all starts with self-care; when you find you have hit rock bottom, the only way you can go up.
I am now putting plans into action and making some changes. Focus on putting yourself in the best possible environments. Getting healed on the inside is the biggest job you will ever have, and it all starts with you.
Accept all the things you cannot change and work on the things you can change. Changing your life means changing your habits. When something is old, and you can no longer use it, you replace it. Do the same with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better.
How do I start making changes?
Rid your life of negativity
Take baby steps
Exercise more often
Identify and understand what you want to change.
You are never too old to embrace change…
You have to put your own health first and mental health, eat healthier, take your medications, get enough sleep, be your own advocate..