Being Overwhelmed Part 4

So two weeks before Christmas, I went into hospital to have a procedure to try and help the shoulder/arm get moving again from its frozen state and to try and get some pain relief. It’s scary having a procedure done when we are in the middle of a pandemic.

I had to go into the hospital 48 hours before the procedure to speak with the consultant, he was running so late, and the waiting room was getting so packed, and no one was keeping their distance from anyone, and I could feel my anxiety creeping in…. Suddenly, it was too late, and I was having a full-blown panic attack and went out of the doors in the corridor, so I could breathe and get away from people.

I have spent months not mixing with anyone and keeping safe and then was thrown into a room of people who weren’t isolating, it all got too much. I sat on the floor in the corridor and a kind Gentleman walking past asked me if I was ok and he went and got further help, not that the receptionist gave a fuck.

At this point I was crying and just wanted to go home, I went in to see the consultant, and he just said to me did I know the risks seeing as I was still going to be left on blood thinners while he did the procedure, and that was the end of the conversation. ( Surely that could have been done by phone rather than a two and half-round journey ) and a hell of a lot of stress.

Anyway took my arse to the hospital two days later, didn’t see the consultant before I went down only the anaesthetist and a lovely nurse who was entirely on my wavelength and put me at ease. The nurse walked me to the theatre, and they were blasting Christmas music which made me laugh. I remember saying to the anaesthetist its the right shoulder/ Arm and don’t touch the boobs.

I woke up in recovery crying out in pain which I wasn’t prepared for as I was told I had a nerve block, well this wasn’t the case, and my blood pressure was up and down for quite a while also I came out in a rash to something I had been given.

On the ward, they were charming and couldn’t have been kinder apart from an occupational therapist who I told to not even think about touching me. The silly person went to lift my arm without my permission. I wasn’t impressed, and they got told to go away.

This procedure was never meant to fix anything but to give me some relief. After about two weeks, I gained probably ten per cent more movement and wasn’t in as much pain,  So I started lowering the pain relief dose.

It then all gradually went back to square one. Now I am awaiting another procedure to release the capsule and another manipulation to get movement back in the shoulder/arm. This time I will have to come off the blood thinners and swap over to heparin injections because I am high risk for blood clots as I carry the clotting Gene and have had previous DVT/s Pulmonary embolisms which is scary shit if you think about it.

I have made this decision because I can’t carry on as I am, I’m sick to death, taking tablets to get out of bed and to be able to brush my teeth. Being in severe pain and having restricted movement is just frustrating. I think my warped humour carries me through every day. I am right-handed, so I dare anyone to try and brush their teeth with the opposite hand and good luck to removing the toothpaste halfway up ya face.

I have to remember I am blessed, and it could be a lot worse and keep fighting this and get stronger and stronger after the next procedure and build up muscle again. I have to keep telling myself it will all work out for the better, which keeps me going. On another note I am finally on the heart tablets to stop any more SVT events, finally had my telephone conversation with a cardiologist so far so good but all that could change by the time I write my next chapter lol.

To Be Continued…….

 

Miss.Positive