Guest Post Mr Nonense

The Morning After The Night Before

Well my lovelies, I am not going to lie to you as I know you will see straight through it. I shared a bed with Asshat and now need to do a literary walk of shame. I hate myself. Literally hate me that I was weak and we ended up in bed together, banging like rabbits for most of the night. But now the shame and the guilt is eating me apart, I have been cheated on in the past, and it’s awful, it makes you feel like the absolute lowest point of your life. I swore I would never do it to another, but I gave up on my morals just because of a neck kiss.

I am behaving sheepishly in the morning, I do not want to be around them, and I am secretly pleased we both have worked as an early exit is required. They are behaving like nothing is wrong, which is slightly irking me. I do not claim to be innocent, but they are far shadier than I am, how could this have happened?

I resolve to try and ignore it, we say awkward goodbyes and leave, I know I won’t hear from them again, and I focus on my day’s work. When I have finished for the day and wander upstairs to tidy up, remove the dirty sheets of shame from the bed, I scoop everything up to carry to the washing machine when I freeze. Sat very quietly and very innocently on my window ledge is my new pet Cctv camera to monitor my little fluff while I am at work. This teeny, tiny camera that records glorious HD video with crystal clear sound as soon it detects any motion was pointed directly at the bed of sin. Oh holy mother of god.

I run downstairs looking for my mobile phone, shaking when I find it and open the app to look for any new recordings. The app is slow to load, and then before me, it is there 746 new recordings. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Can I bear to watch this?! Maybe it’s recorded nothing, maybe it’s just picked up on some slight sound, but nothing is in focus? I go to the drinks cabinet and poor a disgustingly large neat vodka. With hands trembling, I open the first one while sipping the vodka. Ok, not too bad, it’s pretty clear, oh gosh yes it was pointed right at us and then as the sequential videos open it is soon absolute full frontal porn in all its pasty white, lack of sun, glory. I have seen things I really did not want to see.

Unexpectedly, they continue to text and trying to plan the next visit?! What rabbit hole am I stuck down now?

If you or your partner knows someone’s partner who didn’t come home on the 11th January 2020, then they were probably with me. I have the proof.

Love Mr Nonense