Part Two Of Being Overwhelmed

So finally after six weeks, I got the appointment for my MRI on my shoulder/arm so off  I went to the hospital with my helper (tractor lady) as I can’t get my clothing off me or on me or drive. My name was called, and we went up to the scanning unit. The nurse pointed us into the cubicle and gave me some scrubs to change into, My helper sorted me out and was making me laugh and outcome the camera so that I can look back on this in a few months and see what all the fuss was about.

I had already taken x2 diazepam on top of all my medications as I’m claustrophobic and the thought of getting in the tunnel for the length of times sent my anxiety through the roof. So I then go into the room, and the man tells me to lay down flat on the bed, I tell him I can’t lay flat as it’s so painful and he said its the only way. So I get flat on the bed and can feel the whole shoulder firing upon me I can feel the bones all on the bed and against the plate to the side; he is telling me my shoulder needs to be up against the plate. I am telling him I’m doing the best I can as I’m in extreme pain and then he touches my shoulder twice, and I swear as to say I will shuffle as much as I can without being rushed or touched!and don’t touch my bloody shoulder.

So he then gives me earplugs and earphones to block out the noise of the machine. I’m now in the tunnel which feels like a coffin to me, and I’m trying not to freak out my in my head I’m thinking to be brave and do this so they can see what’s going on with the shoulder and arm, it’s only twenty minutes, and I have got this. I was giving a button to press in an emergency, god I nearly pressed that twice but didn’t.

The machine starts up, and it’s so loud it goes through your whole body. They are meant to play music through the earphones but forgot to turn it on with me.  My body was shaking so bad I couldn’t keep still, and I was freezing. I was meditating pretend I was in the Caribbean swimming with the piglets in clear waters. I also said my prayers over and over for this scan to be finished and done with, as it felt like it was forever in there.

Finally, it was over with and is I sat up slowly, with no help from the two people In there or to ask was I ok when they could see I was upset. What I do not get is why do people do them Jobs when they have no compassion or empathy for patients. I was glad to get out of there and now got to wait three weeks for the results.

So basically I am taking 40mg of slow-release oxycodone, then 900 mg of nerve blockers on top every four hours. I also take blood thinners and liquid oxycontin liquid if it’s unbearable. The pain brings me to my knees and makes me want to be sick. I Am a walking zombie and believe it or not; I can’t sleep at night as I’m getting body jerks in my legs and hands. I’m also shielding but thank the lord I have a lovely garden to get fresh air in.

Now I am waiting for the orthopaedics team to pick up on the MRI and then there is the next step of what is going to happen because I don’t want to be taken all this medication but also I can’t be in pain and crawling the walls. What has scared me now is we have gone into a second lockdown, so this is to be continued again….but the highlight of that day was a lovely hot chocolate in Costa Coffees.