Here in 2020, I think it’s pretty safe to say chivalry died. You are more likely to get a dick pic than someone opening a car door for you nowadays, an insistence that the bill is paid 50/50 or she wants to pay it all because she is a strong and independent woman. Great. Garçon, I’ll have the lobster and a bottle of Beaujolais, cheers treacle. Don’t get me wrong, I will always be an advocate for strong and independent women, the fact that the gender pay gap still even exists is something that genuinely boils my piss on a weekly basis, but what about the menfolk? They are just as scared now like everyone else. Worried if they give a compliment that it will be misinterpreted, cant take flowers on a date as that means “you want something” or “feeling guilty and therefore up to something”. Maybe we just bloody well like flowers!? If we open a car door or door to a restaurant are you going to smack us down by insisting that you can do it yourself and then being in a huff all night while I look at my creme brûlée secretly wishing I had stayed home and played Fifa with the lads.

Ladies, there are some of us out there that were brought up properly, rare but we do exist. Our parents taught us that you don’t turn up to a date empty-handed, that we will make sure we give you our coat if you are cold (partly because your nipple erection is distracting the flip out of us and we can’t think straight!) and if we want to pay for the meal, for god sake LET US. It doesn’t mean we want to see your pants, it might be that we have just genuinely enjoyed your company and you have saved us from eating a meal at home alone which was probably some cereal straight from the box. Male mental health is poor at best as we spend so long being taught how to be a man and stand up for what we believe in, if we have made an effort for a date or a special occasion, we are called gay or a girl so we now can’t really win either way.

Guys, if she has the huff that you are trying to do things for her, do not be put off. You don’t know what has happened to her previously if she is super bad at accepting a compliment what douchebag made her feel so low that she now cant accept it without thinking you want some 5 knuckle shuffle from her. Try and break down her barriers slowly and carefully and do not think it’s just a load of hassle and go off with Candice from the local council estate because she is an easy lay. There’s a reason she’s easy and when you end up with nob rot, you will know why!


Yours Faithfully


Mr.No Nonsense