Living in the modern age of dating is a really exciting time to be alive, online dating has enlarged our reach of potential suitors and also increased our bedpost notches. But can you ever really trust someone you meet online? During the current lockdown situation, it is estimated that there has been a huge surge in online dating with many of us flocking to download the multiple different apps that are out there. If you have never tindered before, it is not for the faint-hearted, and if you are body conscious or worried that you look like the back end of a bus, it should be used with caution. If you take it too seriously and not in a light-hearted way, you are inevitably going to end up being hurt somewhere along the line, and this can be damaging to our mental health and wellbeing. Please, please always use any form of dating app with caution.
When you have finally built up your confidence and opened your profile, taken about 1,728 selfies to find the ONE picture you actually want to use and poured yourself some dutch courage, its time to begin! Swiping, swiping, swiping while you try and find someone who likes the look of you as much as you like the look of them. Be warned, you are going to have to really sift through some dross before you find someone who you might be attracted to and even if you consider yourself not to be shallow or hung up on looks, these apps will make you become more critical than Gordon Ramsey making an idiot sandwich out of someone. All of a sudden I am saying no to monobrows and slightly crooked teeth!!
When it finally happens that you get a match, you get a little flutter of excitement as the dating ritual starts to unravel. You are visually attracted to each other but is there a deeper connection or have they got the personality of a dung beetle. You are in luck! Not only do they make an effort and not look like a tramps armpit, but they can hold a conversation, and they seem to like you?!
The conversation flows freely, and you laugh regularly, you begin to start to wonder what dating this person could be like and try not to get carried away but do daydream about living in the country somewhere with some chickens, goats, couple of dogs, a garden full of roses, maybe a hot tub…… sorry. I drifted off there!! Anyway, you think YES, I have finally found someone amazing, we need to work our first date out, and I need to take it slow, so they don’t see the crazy too early on, you know it is going well as whenever your phone gives that little ping to say you have a new love letter waiting for you from your future spouse and you rush to open it to see if its a marriage proposal…
Then let’s Talk About Ghosting!
The online dating chatting ritual can go on for days, weeks and sometimes even months. The great conversation should be natural, normal, day to day topics about life, love and family, sometimes work, maybe politics if you are feeling brave but use this one with caution – there is nothing sexier than a partner who is articulate with a brain but someone with budding racist tendencies akin to Katie Hopkins should probably be avoided unless you are into that sort of thing! What is important here is that you are getting to know your potential suitor.
Suddenly, without warning, your Tinderella has *poof* gone. Evaporated into thin air and disappeared without a trace leaving you to wonder what on earth happened? What did I do? Did they see the cra-cra too early? Did they not like my thoughts on Boris Johnson? Was sharing the hundreds of pictures of my cat too much? You begin to wallow in a little depressive funk. Constantly questioning what you did wrong by re-reading messages and over analysing them to try and find the area where it all went wrong, obsessively creating all the different scenarios in your head but I can assure you, they have never gone abroad to tackle world peace and end famine no matter how much you think that must be the logical reasons why they disappeared.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. It is too cliche to say “it’s not you, it’s them” but actually this is pretty much it. There are many reasons why people behave in this way after I lost four months of my life to one such incident I finally turned detective. It wasn’t hard to poke around and see what I could find out, I had watched over 100 episodes of Catfish so felt quietly confident in my IT abilities and sure soon enough discovered my Tinderella had been using a false name, neglecting to mention their long term partner and ho ho ho hello, who also had three kids they forgot about?
Well, what could I do with my new found information? Chuckling away to myself about how I could now send all the information to their partner and employer (people should really lock their Facebook down!) but no and actually, never, because what would be the point? You will achieve nothing and feel nothing but bitter and twisted afterwards, particularly if you are tindering in your local geographical area – don’t poop where you eat if the postcode area is small! I know the temptation is great, but you must be the bigger person and take the higher ground here.
Stay positive and trust that karmic retribution will ultimately come full circle and eventually deliver to whoever it was that ghosted you. Try to forget what has happened, or you can wind yourself endlessly in knots and be open and ready to move on. Always remember how amazing you are and that not everyone in the world is an asshat.